Saturday, May 27

zillion things i blame you for


I'll start writing again since the other socmed is no longer safe. Neither here. But at least you won't be seeing me that much.

I have no idea what it got me to. I was me. But I was not me.

If you happen to read this (only if you google my name it'll bring you here)

I forgave you.
Nevertheless I blame you for walking into my life though I never welcomed you to.
I blame you for following me on my twitter via somebody else's tweetdeck
I blame you for mentioning me on twitter for whatsoever reason I forgot
I blame you for asking my other social media accounts to connect
I blame you for dm-ing me on instagram for the reasons I forgot
I blame you for asking for my phone's number so we can converse
I blame you for texting me almost every day and night tho you are a boring texter
I blame you for calling almost every night just to let me talk to myself
I blame you for calling me that day when I was in your town tho I never told you
I blame you for driving all the way to me that particular day I never asked you to
I blame you for whatsoever happened then
I blame you for not stopping me from liking you
I blame you for saying no while your actions were yes
I blame you for being quiet most of the time
I blame you for not letting me go when you should
I blame you for letting me be fool for you
I blame you for coming back after I try to push you away
I blame you for coming on my mind and each and every day I think of you
I blame you for following me on my social media watching each every time I post
I blame you for getting my hopes up high and letting it crash down to the earth
I blame you for hurting me, letting me cry which you might never knew cause I appeared to be so strong and firm in front of you
I blame you for all the reasons I should have not blamed you
I blame you for every heartbeat I think of you.

I just want to say fuck you in your face and just shut everything down but that just means I have to unblock you and that should not happen cause I might be a fool again.

Of all the reasons I blame you, I forgave you.

If you happen to come back, that won't be forgivable.

This is for you, F

Monday, September 22


It has been 2 years since my last post.
Suddenly thinking of blogging again since this was a not so private diary for me.
Completed my 12 months seatime and now continuing my 3rd year in Alam.
Lots have changed, especially me.
I kinda feel like doing arts again but I had no time. Time well spent for sleep. This is my entry for now. Tons stories with pictures and my bucket lists also.
Ao revoir

Wednesday, October 17

ay ay captain!

I So yeah, I'm waiting at the LCCT with 4 other crew members. I'm going on board soon, so soon. Not sure whether it is today or tomorrow. Waiting for the plane to fly to Kota Kinabalu, will sign on there. Here I'm with my first captain Bima, Pumpman, Engine cadet Headiel, and AB epul. well, everything was smooth, up to now. can't wait!